


Josh Chan and the Flamingo Leg

by xlessxthanx3x



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/F, Other, matchmaker (sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 05:56:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13381575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xlessxthanx3x/pseuds/xlessxthanx3x
Summary: Josh may not be the smartest, but even he can tell that something is going on between Valencia and Heather.





	Josh Chan and the Flamingo Leg

**Author's Note:**

> Canon up through 3x07 ("Getting Over Jeff")

Working at a bar was not what Josh had imagined it to be. He expected to hit on girls and make drinks like Tom Cruise in that one movie. He expected to be the life of the party—which he naturally always was anyways—and that it would be easy and uncomplicated. Yeah, Greg had complained about it, but Greg complained about everything. How bad could it be?

But, yeah, it turned out that Greg had reason to complain. There was a lot more to bartending than Josh had realized. He had to measure things, he had to know drink names and recipes on the top of his head, he had to deal with customers who drank too much and yelled at him when he cut them off, he had to serve his own friends, and he had to listen to people trying to talk to him about their problems. Maybe that was why Greg was always such a jerk.

Josh needed money, though, and he didn't really know what else he could do. So he kept working there. Plus, his coworkers were pretty cool. Kevin was super nice and chill, even better than his last manager, and Heather was really awesome. Despite his past with Heather's friends, she was really chill with him. And while she had recently stopped seeing Hector, they were also chill together.

God, he wished he could be chill with his exes.

So when Heather asked if it was cool for Valencia to stop by work, he said it totally was. After all, his friends were always there, it was only fair Heather had friends come over. And, well, at least it wasn't Rebecca. He still felt awful for what had happened and wasn't sure what to do, especially after what he had overheard.

Of course, that didn't mean he was looking forward to seeing her. Valencia did indeed stop by that night, and though they accidentally made eye contact at one point, they managed to avoid looking at each other too much. Heather served her until she left—basically right before closing time—and Josh didn't have to speak with her or anything. It was good.

Then Valencia came the next night. And the next. She slowly became a regular over the next few weeks, though Josh didn't have to take her order—and it was always  _only_  her order, since no one else seemed to come with her. It would just be her and Heather laughing while Heather mixed drinks. It was weird.

But then one night Valencia got in and settled into her usual spot right after Heather had gone into the backroom to check on some inventory.

Josh looked around the mostly empty bar to see if he could help anyone else, but they all had drinks already. So Josh slowly made his way over to Valencia and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Hey," Josh said.

Even if he didn't know Valencia, he would be able to tell she was tense. "Hello," she said, though not as coldly as Josh expected. "Where's Heather?" She drummed her fingers against the bar for a short moment, as if she was actually nervous or something. That wasn't like her, but he was nervous, too, so it made sense.

"In the back," Josh said, gesturing behind him. "She'll be back in a sec if you wanna wait for her to get your drink."

Valencia seemed like she was going to say yes, but then she shook her head. "No, it's fine. I'll have some rosé. Please."

Josh nodded and started to open up a bottle. It would take some time, and he was never good at silence, so he asked, "So, uh, what brings you down here?" That was a dumb question, seeing as she came all the time.

"I thought it'd be nice to hang out with Heather. Even if she's working," Valencia answered.

"But what about your friends?"

"Heather's my friend," Valencia said defensively.

"No, I didn't mean that," Josh said. "I meant, like, what about Paula, or Rebe—" Josh cut himself off and cleared his throat.

For a moment, Josh was sure Valencia would kill him or something. That was quite a loaded topic for either of them to talk about, between their own past relationship and the wedding and the…the  _thing_  Rebecca did that put her in the hospital…

Thankfully, when he finally got the bottle open, Valencia didn't look angry. "You don't have to be afraid of saying her name," Valencia said.

Josh relaxed a little, but he still looked wary. "How…how is she?" He wasn't even sure if he was allowed to ask, especially after she had called him  _irrelevant._

Valencia smiled softly. "She's doing well. A lot better." She timidly pushed some hair behind her ear and said, "I'm a little  _nervous_  about it. Still. But she's improved a lot already. And we're all here for her. Including her new boyfriend."

Her eyes darted to Josh, as if expecting him to flip out, much like he had thought about her earlier. And, to be honest, it did hurt a bit to know she had someone else when he was lonely and single and living with his parents, but, well, he knew he couldn't be mad. He was the one who broke up with her, after all. And, uh, not in the best way.

"That's good," Josh said. Maybe not convincingly, but normal enough. He pulled out a wine glass and filled Valencia's glass up right to the point he had been trained to pour wine. It looked fancy, but he didn't get the point of pouring what looked like so little.

As he slid it over to Valencia, she smiled and thanked him before handing him her credit card to start a tab. He started the process and asked, "Is that why she's not here? She's off with him?"

"Partly," Valencia said. She took a sip of her drink and Josh looked at her for a moment.

"But what about Paula?"

"She has kids. And a husband. She's busy," Valencia snapped.

Before he could ask any more questions, Heather came out of the backroom and Valencia smiled at her and waved her over. "Hey, Heath!" Valencia greeted.

After just over a month working at Home Base, Josh had learned calling Heather by a shortened version of her first name was  _not_  a good idea. He already prepared himself for her to correct Valencia, only for her to say, "Hey, V. Glad you could come in. And glad you didn't kill Josh."

Josh took that as his cue to leave and get back to work. But as he continued to serve customers and clean glasses, he couldn't help but look back at the two of them. He wasn't sure he had ever seen Valencia laugh so much or Heather smile like that.

—

Josh isn't the smartest person in the world. He knows this, and many people have felt the need to remind him of this. It didn't bother him too much when people pointed it out anymore.

But enough about that stuff. No, Josh wasn't smart at things like books or words or things like that, but he  _was_  good at emotions. He was good at recognizing subtle shifts in people's feelings, even if he didn't understand what was happening right away.

Like with Rebecca, yeah, he knew she had some sort of feelings for him pretty early on. And, yeah, okay, it was kind of a jerk move to keep hanging out with her after that, but she was the first person to really make him feel… _worth_  it. Like he wasn't just some dumb, SoCal loser. It was nice having someone rooting for him.

But, again, that's not the point. The point was that Josh could tell that. Unless he was looking for a reason not to see something, he was pretty good at sensing changes in emotion and the like.

He was especially good when it came to telling Valencia's emotions. After spending so many years with her, it was easy to tell when she was upset—and not just the obvious times, like when she yelled or when she glared at him or her voice got pointed. A little change in her eyebrows or a tilt of her head could say it all. Josh could also tell when Valencia felt good things, too. He recognized the light in her eyes, the subtle smile she'd wear, and how her posture changed. Sometimes it took a second to figure out what she was specifically feeling, but Josh normally found it out in the end.

That was how he could tell there was something up with her and Heather.

Every time Valencia came in, something in her seemed to spark up. There was this light behind her eyes and a change in her voice. She even laughed more.

But, to be fair, Josh hadn't seen her much since the wedding thing. Maybe her new job was making her happy, or maybe that was just how she was with having girl friends for once. She  _did_  seem kind of like that with Rebecca when they first met. That made sense, right?

Heather, though, was a different case. Heather was someone he found hard to read at all, since sometimes she seemed completely emotionless only to fly off the handle when someone treated a server badly. It didn't help that he didn't really know her that well.

Still, Josh could tell that Heather was pretty tense one evening. She wasn't looking over receipts or anything, but she was definitely worried about something. The place was pretty deserted and everyone who was there had already been served.

"Anything I can do to help?" Josh asked Heather.

"Nah," she said simply, "Not much to do now."

"Cool," Josh said, looking out the window at the field for a few moments. He kind of missed when he could go out there and play. When he heard a small hum from Heather he looked back at her, only to see her looking at the door. He looked at it as well, his eyebrows pressing together in confusion.

"Is something wrong?" Josh asked.

That seemed to snap Heather out of it. "What?" She looked at him and then shook her head. "Nah. Just bored. I already counted the cherries, so…"

"Cool, cool," Josh repeated as he held back a sigh. "So, is Valencia coming in tonight?"

Heather stood up a bit straighter and grabbed a rag off the counter. "Yeah, she said so. She said she'd be here by now…" She looked back at the doorway with slight concern, which just confused Josh more.

"Well, uh, let me know if you need help with anything. I guess I'll just do a walk-through," Josh said. Heather nodded as she absentmindedly wiped off the counter. Josh himself grabbed another cleaning rag and started to go through the tables and cleaning up any little spots he found.

After a few minutes, Valencia came in carrying a binder and wearing clothes Josh knew she wore when she met with potential clients. The two women greeted each other, and Josh couldn't help but hear some of their conversation.

"How did the meeting go?" Heather asked as she poured Valencia some water.

"It went  _so_  well," Valencia said brightly. "Their budget is small, but it's not impossible. And they have a  _super_  cute theme—okay, it's kind of tacky, because it's sailors, but it's also really cute. At least I'm telling them that it's cute because they hired me."

The two of them laughed and Josh continued on cleaning the tables when he spotted messes. At a certain point he got far enough that he couldn't quite hear what they were talking about, but he happened to look up just in time to see Valencia leaning on the bar as her leg bent behind her.

 _Flamingo leg_.

Josh remembered that. That was what Heather called it when Rebecca did the same thing with  _Greg_. That was proof that they were sleeping together, or at least flirting.

His eyes widened as he looked at the two of them talk. Valencia's smile, the way she tucked hair behind her ear, how tense Heather was before she got there, how Heather let Valencia call her a nickname…It all added up.

Wait, what? No. There was no way. Valencia didn't like girls. She barely talked to them for years. He had to be reading the situation wrong. Maybe she was, like, doing some weird stretch.

Josh shook his head and laughed under his breath at himself. He was obviously just misreading the whole thing.

—

Over the next few days, something even stranger happened. Yeah, stranger than Valencia and Heather and the possible flamingo leg that totally couldn't be flamingo leg.

Josh and Valencia actually got along.

Not only did they get along, but they joked—Valencia  _made jokes_.  _Valencia_. While there was definitely no lingering romantic tension or connection, Valencia was clearly enjoying spending time with him in a way he didn't expect. It was almost like they were actually friends.

So then, of course, Josh had to ruin it somehow. Maybe he wasn't as smooth with women as he always assumed he was, since he had a tendency to ruin these things.

Valencia was sitting at a table working out some wedding stuff. At several points, Heather had come over to refill her drink or, at times, just to sit and join her; she still wasn't the best at consistently working, not that Josh had any right to judge. But after Heather teasingly rubbed Valencia's shoulders and made the other woman laugh, Josh's thoughts drifted back to the flamingo leg and the flirting. As much as he had tried to tell himself he was just being dumb, well, they really  _did_  seem to be flirting. A lot.

Heather was called away somewhere after some time and, after checking in on some other characters, Josh came by to refill her water.

"Thanks," Valencia said, not at all bothered as he sat down across from her. In fact, she even gave him a small smile before looking back at her binder.

"No problem. How are you liking work?"

Valencia smiled brighter than she ever did back when she taught yoga. "It is  _amazing_. God, I can't believe I never thought about doing this before. It is  _the_  perfect job for me. I somehow even made a  _sailor_  theme look classy."

He looked down at her wedding planning and felt a bit of sickness creeping up in his stomach. He wasn't sure he'd ever see weddings the same way again, not after what all had happened…

Josh pushed that thought away and looked back at Valencia. "I'm glad you're happy, V." She nodded, but seemed focused on her work. "You seem happy lately. Like, really happy."

"Mhmm," Valencia said, not really paying too much attention.

"Yeah…and you've been in here a lot," Josh said.

"Free WiFi makes it easy to work here," Valencia said simply.

"Right," Josh said.

He still sat there and Valencia looked up at him after a few moments. "What?"

"Is there something going on between you and Heather?" Josh finally blurted out.

Valencia's eyes widened and her face paled. "What?" she asked.

"You know…I was just wondering if…if something's going on between you and Heather," Josh said.

"Heather is my  _friend_ ," Valencia said sharply.

"Yeah, but… _just_  your friend?" Josh asked. Valencia's jaw tensed and Josh quickly tried to defend himself, "You're all smiley and giggly and—and, uh, flamingo leg!"

"What the hell does that mean?" Valencia asked.

"I just…you seem kind of like you're…flirting."

"I am  _not_  flirting," Valencia hissed, though her eyes darted around nervously.

"It's okay if you are—"

"I'm  _not_ ," she insisted.

"Okay, I'm sorry," Josh said genuinely.

"What's going on?" Heather asked as she came over.

Valencia looked at her and then at Josh. Before Josh could say anything, Valencia said, "It's nothing. I should probably head back to my place, though."

Heather looked at her, her eyes a little downcast. "Oh…yeah, sure. That makes sense," Heather said as Valencia started to pack up her stuff. "I'll see you around?"

"Yeah. Sure," Valencia said. Once she had everything stored back in her bag, she quickly left as both Josh and Heather watched her leave.

—

Valencia didn't come in the next night. Or the next. Or the next. After a week and a half of no Valencia, Josh felt really guilty. He couldn't believe he had insisted on something that was obviously not true. Why else would she freak out like that? Heather seemed pretty miserable about it, enough so Josh wanted to apologize, but the was afraid she'd freak out on him, too. Neither of them brought up the elephant—or, in this case, the former yoga instructor—in the room. Or the missing elephant from the room. But a room wouldn't really miss not having an elephant, right?

Whatever. They didn't talk about it at all until Josh was helping her close one night.

"Hey, Josh, can I ask you something?" Heather asked.

"I wasn't the one who wrote Greg's number on the men's bathroom wall," Josh said defensively. Hector had asked about that.

"I know, because  _I_  did that after he broke up with me," Heather said. She looked thoughtful for a moment before asking, "Did Valencia say anything to you before she left last time?"

"What?" Josh asked, trying (and failing) at being nonchalant. "Uh, no, not really. Nothing unusual at least. Why d'you ask?"

"Well, she hasn't replied to any of my texts since then and you two seemed to be fighting," Heather replied.

"Oh…uh, no, there wasn't any fighting. She just got angry at me for something. I don't remember what," Josh said, turning away from Heather to keep wiping at the bar.

"Okay," Heather said, not sounding too convinced.

"Do you guys normally text a lot?" Josh asked after a few moments, his curiousity getting the better of him.

"Yeah, pretty much daily," Heather said. "I'm kinda worried about her."

Josh nodded as a sense of guilt built in his stomach. Eventually Heather just sighed and got back to work. He frowned at himself and slowly realized what he had to do.

—

It was weird going back to what used to be his own place and realize it wasn't his anymore. When Valencia opened the door and (begrudgingly) let him in, he felt like he had gone back in time or something. The furniture was the same, but everything else seemed  _different_.

"So," Valencia said, crossing her arms, "What was so important to tell me that you just suddenly showed up?"

Josh ran a hand over the back of his neck. "Uh…well, I wanted to say sorry. For what I said." Valencia kept looking at him and he elaborated, "About how you and Heather seemed to be flirting."

"Yeah, Josh, I remember what you said," Valencia replied with slight venom in her voice.

"Yeah, of course," Josh said. "Well, I was obviously wrong. I'm sorry for assuming things. I guess I'm just not used to you having girl friends." Something shifted in Valencia's face that he couldn't quite identify, but he didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "I'm sorry. And I hope you don't stop hanging out at the bar or with Heather because of me."

They were both silent for a while, something building on Valencia's face. Eventually Josh said, "I, uh, guess I'll go."

He turned around and started to leave when Valencia grabbed his wrist. "Josh, wait," she said quietly.

Josh turned around and looked at her as she let go of his wrist. She brought her hands up to her waist and wrung her fingers. "You didn't need to apologize," she said. "I'm the one who overreacted." Josh raised his eyebrows. Did Valencia ever admit to overreacting when they went out? He was pretty sure she hadn't.

Valencia down at the floor and said, "I was upset because…you were right." She looked up at him and said, "I  _was_  flirting. Because I like her…" Valencia shook her head and exclaimed, "God, I'm such an  _idiot_!" She collapsed onto the couch and put her head in her hands.

Josh slowly started to smile when he realized, hey, he actually got it right! But then he saw how distressed Valencia was. He sat down next to her and put a hand on her back to comfort her. "Hey, you're not an idiot," Josh said.

"I am," Valencia said. "I really am." She sniffed and looked in front of her. "For the longest time, I thought that how I felt about her was just, like, friendship things. I didn't have all these girl friends before. Then…then I realized I don't feel that way about Paula or Rebecca—well, at least not  _now_ , I don't know if back then…" Valencia groaned as she realized what she said and Josh tried to wrap his brain around the idea of Valencia having a crush on Rebecca. "And I can't even talk to any of  _them_ about it because I can't burden Rebecca with this after everything, and Paula would just tell everyone, and I obviously can't tell Heather all of this." She finally stopped talking to take a deep breath, which was good, because how fast she was talking was kind of making Josh dizzy.

"Woah," he said softly. "So…are you, like, bi or something?"

Valencia looked up at him and glared slightly. "I've had a lot of other things to think about; I haven't had time to decided what  _label_  I am." She rolle dher eyes and crossed her arms. "It doesn't matter anyway. I've totally blown it. I freaked out and stopped talking to her…she's gotta hate me now. And I doubt she ever liked me in the first place. Not like that."

"Hey, she'd be dumb not to like you," Josh said. "You should just come by and see her sometime. Going in person is better than texting. And I'm sure she'll be happy to see you. Heather's chill; she'll be fine as long as you apologize."

"…Maybe," Valencia said. "I guess it's better to at least try to be friends again." She looked thoughtful and said, "I'll stop by sometime soon. I have some work I need to do before I come over." Then she looked at Josh with that scary, commanding look she got sometimes. "And  _you_  are not going to tell  _anyone_. Right?"

"Right," Josh agreed.

—

Valencia still hadn't stopped in by the next time Heather and Josh were closing together, but he had a feeling she'd stop by soon enough. Maybe it was weird, but Josh was really hopeful that she would. Any romantic feelings he had for Valencia had definitely completely disappeared, and he wanted to see her and Heather happy. All he had to do was find out if Heather returned any of Valencia's feelings. And, thankfully, she was a lot easier to get a straight answer from on his first try.

"Can I ask you something?" Josh asked as they started to leave. "Are you bi?"

"Yeah," Heather said simply.

"Have you ever dated a girl?"

"Once," Heather said.

"Do you like Valencia that way?"

Finally Heather paused and Josh looked over at her. She looked a bit sad and she rolled her eyes. "…Yeah. I do." Josh stood up straighter at that. "But don't tell her I said that. I think she's freaking out over me flirting with her. And I'm cool with just being her friend, so it's not a big deal."

Josh wanted to tell her that Valencia obviously had feelings—come on, he knew that just from watching them, how didn't she know when she was directly involved with the flirting? But he had promised Valencia he wouldn't tell her, or anyone else, anything.

So instead he just shook his head and laughed as he walked to his car. He couldn't believe both of his friends were so  _stupid_ about this stuff.

—

The next night, Valencia finally came in. She had no binder of work this time and was dressed in her usual clothing as she nervously clenched her hands. Valencia sat down at one of the tables, and since Heather was in the back room, Josh went ahead and brought her some water.

"She's here tonight," Josh said before Valencia could ask.

"Right," Valencia said.

"Do you want anything else to drink?"

"No, I'm fine," Valencia said.

Josh was called over to another table, so he said goodbye (and good luck) before heading over to take their orders. He was behind the bar mixing their drinks when Heather finally came out from the back. She saw Valencia and then purposefully walked behind the bar.

"Are you not going to talk to her?" Josh asked Heather.

Heather looked at Valencia, who had just crossed her arms. "She can talk to me."

It took a while, but eventually Valencia walked over. "Look, I'm sorry for not responding to you and everything."

"You mean dropping off the face of the earth? I was worried about you," Heather said.

"You could've come over."

"Or you could've just replied to my texts instead of leaving your read receipts on," Heather said. "After everything with Rebecca, you'd think you'd want to make sure we knew you were okay."

Valencia lowered her eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry." She looked back up at Heather and simply said, "I needed some time to myself."

"You could've just said that."

The two remained silent for a while and Josh just sighed and rolled his eyes. "Hey," he told them. "Can you two just go ahead and kiss and make up?" They both looked at him and he said, "I think you both would like the kissing part."

Both of their mouths dropped as they looked at him and then they slowly turned to each other. Their mouths slowly closed as they seemed to question each other silently. Finally, Valencia slowly smiled and, taking Josh by surprise, she was the one to lean over the bar, one leg bent behind her flamingo style, and pulled Heather down for a kiss. Heather seemed shocked at first, but then she started to kiss her back.

"Yes!" Josh finally exclaimed. The two of them broke their kiss and looked at him and he cleared his throat and clarified, "I'm just happy you two finally worked it out. I'm not cheering over two girls kissing." After a moment he shrugged and said, "It was still pretty hot, though." Both of them rolled their eyes and Josh just smiled and went to take another patron's order.

As the night went on, Heather and Valencia would talk when Heather had a break. Eventually Heather's shift ended and the two of them said goodbye before walking out together, Heather slowly taking Valencia's hand in hers.

Josh watched them go with a small smile and then stood up a bit taller. Maybe Valencia could use a matchmaker to help with her wedding business…

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the crazyexfanworkswap, a monthly exchange on tumblr. This is my first time publishing anything for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, though I've written a few things I haven't published yet. Hopefully you guys like it!


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